Weird news everywhere: The “urinal gaming” industry takes a big step forward. A town in Ga. where it’s illegal NOT to own a gun. And Fallon and Leno, poking fun at each other

Lots of weird news came across my cranium this week, but these two stories have to be the strangest.

You may remember a couple of years ago I wrote about the new “urinal gaming” sport, where the Sega video game company was giving men in Tokyo something to do while peeing: Shoot their stream at video games.

At the time, I was kinda mad that the Japanese were the only ones getting to pee and play videogames in public at the same time.

Now, finally, our long national wait is over: Urinal gaming has come to America! The Lehigh Valley (Pa.) IronPigs minor league baseball team has brought urinal gaming to the U.S.; yep, starting this season at Coca-Cola Park, fans can pee their way to fun at games.

I love this quote from the team’s general manager: “This is sure to make a huge splash.”

How does urinal gaming work? I’m glad you asked! From this story:  “When a user approaches the urinal, the video console flips into gaming mode, using patented technology that detects both his presence and stream. Algorithms then allow the user to engage with the screen by aiming in different directions to test their agility and knowledge. The games are 100-percent intuitive and custom-built to provide a unique user interface along with an easy and seamless experience.”

Who’s up for a trip to Pennsylvania with me?

**Next up we have the town in Georgia which only the National Rifle Association could love. The city of Nelson has passed a law requiring every town resident to own a gun.

City Councilman Duane Cronic said there will be no penalty for not carrying a gun; rather, it’s more of a message of standing strong against those who want to take away Americans’ guns, he said.

Proving that even gun nuts have their limits, the council will exempt convicted felons, residents with physical and mental disabilities and those who do not believe in owning firearms.

Whew. That’s a relief. But seriously, laws like this, even symbolic ones, show just how backward and idiotic so many politicians are when it comes to gun control.

Just one ounce of compassion and deep thought for victims of shootings like Newtown, and one or two weeks of legitimate debate about guns’ role in our society, and the wingnuts come out and we get stupid laws like this.

**Finally today, I’m sure you’ve heard all the rumors about Jimmy Fallon replacing Jay Leno as the host of “The Tonight Show.” For many of us who like Fallon and think Leno is just awful, the change can’t come soon enough, but truthfully, I get enough of Fallon thru clips of his best bits on the Internet.

Anyway, it’s rare that famous people poke fun at themselves in the midst of controversy, so I thought it was cool that Fallon and Leno did this duet to “Tonight” from “West Side Story.”

Even still, don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Jay.

Duke wins a thriller, and the madness begins. The new late-night wars: Jimmy vs. Jimmy? And “The Daily Show” shines again

My favorite sports month of the year is here. Pretty much, every day all month, there’s incredible college basketball going on, not just once the NCAA Tournament gets going in a few weeks.

I love all the late-season showdowns, like Sunday’s epic Michigan-Michigan State game won by the Wolverines by a point. I love the incredible, out of nowhere performances, like when Ryan Kelly of my beloved Duke Blue Devils scored 36 points Saturday night in his first game in two months, leading Duke past a very, very good Miami team.

And this week, I’ll love the small conference tournaments getting their one shot at the big time, playing their guts out against their conference foes, all hoping for one ticket to the Dance.

So yes, I’m one of those freaks who will watch South Dakota State and Northeastern and the bigshots of the Missouri Valley Conference, all playing for the right to have a chance to become famous for a few days a few weeks from now.

For most, March Madness doesn’t really start for two more weeks. But after this past weekend’s thrilling games, I’m totally immersed as usual.

God I love college hoops.

And oh yeah, March Madness extends to high school hoops, too. Check out this insane finish and 55-foot buzzer beater from New Rochelle H.S. in New York’s Khalil Edney, to beat Mount Vernon on Saturday.  The good part starts at :25…

** So it looks like we may have a new late-night war on our hands, and Jay Leno is finally getting shown the door.

NBC is apparently ready to throw Leno out the door (again) in 2014 and turn “The Tonight Show” over to Jimmy Fallon, because they’re worried Jimmy Kimmel and ABC are stealing all the young viewers.

I say amen and bravo to this move. Fallon, though he possesses the horrible habit of cracking himself up on live TV, is quick, funny and has great bits all the time on his show. I’d love to see him and Kimmel go at it, because Kimmel is really funny, too.

But Mr. Fallon, I wouldn’t go celebrating just yet. Ask Conan O’Brien how loyal to its promises and plans NBC is, eh?

**Finally today, been a while since I’ve highlighted the consistently awesome work of “The Daily Show.” Late last week Jon Stewart and the gang took on the kerfuffle between the White House and legendary journalist Bob Woodward.

I used to worship Woodward, who of course was 1/2 of the reporting team that helped bring down Richard Nixon during Watergate. But in recent years he seems to have turned into a caricature of himself, and takes himself way too seriously.

So I enjoyed this little takedown very much…

A few words on the death of my Grandma. And Michelle Obama, kicking it Mom-style on Fallon

Late Thursday night, my family lost its rock, its matriarch, and the woman to whom we all looked for guidance and compassion.

My grandma died. She was 94, and for the last several years she’s been suffering from the awful scourge of Alzheimers disease. I wrote a little about Grandma in this space two years ago, and I will repeat what I said there: She is the greatest person I’ve ever known, and probably ever will know.

I gave one of the many eulogies at her funeral on Sunday, and while I don’t want to run the whole thing here, I wanted to share some excerpts with my little blog family.

Thank you for taking the time to read a few words about a truly extraordinary woman.

“When I was a little boy, my father used to have a saying he’d repeat after just about every visit to Grandma and Grandpa’s apartment.

“Kids,” he would say from the front seat, while my sister and I sat in the back, “you’ll never meet anyone in your whole life like Grandma.”

 At the time, I’m sure I scoffed, convinced that this was just my father using hyperbole to make us appreciate our grandparents more.

I mean come on; what are the odds of one of the first people to ever hold you upon entering the world also being the greatest person you’d ever meet?

But as I’ve lived my life for the past 37 years, traveling and meeting thousands of people, I’ve come to realize my father was exactly right: Marcelle Kouvant was, and always will be, the greatest person I’ve ever met …

…”as I think back on my own memories of Grandma, they come flooding back like a tidal wave of joy, flashing across my soul and making me smile so much.

…I think about Grandma always being the most excited person in the world when you told her good news in your life; with a trademark slapping of her hand on the table and an exclamation of “Wheeee!” at the top of her lungs, she exuded happiness so much you would’ve thought SHE had just won a big tennis match, or gotten first place in the spelling bee.

…“I remember her unrequited love of the New York Mets, and how intensely she delighted in their victories, and was so pained by their defeats.

I always got such a kick out of how they could win 10 games in a row, then lose one, and she’d say “They should fire the manager! And trade half the players!”

“But Grandma,” I would tease,  “last week you said Mike Piazza and Tom Glavine were great.”

“Horrible,” she’d say. “Get rid of them. They can’t play at all!”

Sadly, during most of her years as a Mets fan, she was right: they did stink.”

…Then there were the blue cookie tins filled with MandelBread that would arrive at my apartment in Wilmington, N.C., when I lived there. I would bring them into my newspaper office, and Southerners who couldn’t tell the difference between a yarmulke and a Yo-Yo were devouring the delicious treats, and singing the praises of a woman who for 60 years made a succession of delicacies out of a tiny kitchen where an occupancy of 3 would’ve been a fire hazard. …

… In her later years, as she began to get sick and her incredibly sharp mind started fading away, she would’ve been so bothered by all the fuss that was made of her. Of my mother and aunt doing everything they could to make sure she were as comfortable as possible, even as she was unable to recognize those she loved so much.

But the end of her life isn’t what we’ll remember; it was the glorious years until then, when she was the brightest sun in all of our worlds.

My grandmother was the greatest person I’ve ever known, and it was the highest honor of my life to say I was her grandson.

I will miss her, and think of her, for the rest of my days. And as long as we keep telling stories about her wonderful spirit, she will always be with us in our hearts.

**OK, time to flip the switch and end on a happier note. I know Michelle Obama’s getting a lot of attention for her surprise appearance at the end of the Oscars (which I thought was just weird timing, putting her on at the end like that), the more impressive FLOTUS appearance lately was this awesome 2-minute dance skit she did with Jimmy Fallon the other night on his show.

It’s the “Evolution of Mom-Dancing,” and it’s brilliant.  You go, girl.

A British study on porn gets cancelled for a bizarre reason. King Henrik plays Guns N’ Roses. And an incredible college hoops sequence

This whole Lance Armstrong thing just disgusts me more and more the longer I think about it. There may be a really long vent about him coming in this space tomorrow; just a warning.

The British newspapers are an endless source of amusement to me. Seriously, I could do this blog just about every day with bizarre headlines ripped from the pages of The Sun, The Daily Mail, The Mirror, and their beautiful tabloid cousins.

But this story was my favorite in a while. It seems that a researcher at the University of Montreal named Simon Louis Lajeunesse was trying to conduct a study into how watching pornography affects men.

Except he had to radically re-think the experiment when he could not find any young men who had not watched it.

According to this story,  researchers wanted to compare the behavior of men who viewed sexually explicit material with those who had never looked at it all.

But Simon had to change his plan when he couldn’t find ANY male volunteers who’d never seen naked women doing stuff to naked men, or to each other.

“We started our research seeking men in their twenties who had never consumed pornography but we couldn’t find any,” the professor said.

Sorry, I’m not buying it. Come on fellas, you couldn’t find some ultra-religious family in Canada who wouldn’t let their kids use the computer or watch TV until they were 21, and use them as subjects? Or some complete straight-arrow who only likes watching a man and woman in healthy, committed acts?

Undeterred, Simon and his colleagues did a different porn study, finding that single men typically spend about 40 minutes viewing porn three times a week, while men in committed relationships averaged 20 minute porn viewing sessions 1.7 times a week.

To which I say “men in committed relationships have that much time on their hands?”

**Rangers fans like me already know Henrik Lundqvist, the best goaltender in the world, is a very cool guy. He’s handsome, he plays the guitar, and he’s just always seemed the coolest cat in the room.

Well, he added to that legacy Friday night, when he did this on Jimmy Fallon. Somewhere, Axl Rose should be smiling (the good part starts at :17)…

**So I didn’t see this live, but check out the end of regulation in the Vanderbilt-Ole Miss college basketball game Tuesday night. Ole Miss eventually won, but check this out; back to back buzzer-beaters!

I’m off to Mexico for a week of sun and fun. The best pictures of 2012. And “Who’s On First?” starring Fallon, Crystal and Seinfeld

For the first time since I started this here blog 3 1/2 years ago, I’m taking a full week off from it.

Yep, taking a break for a good reason: My soon-to-be-bride and I are travelling with her family to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, for a week of fun in the sun. When I first heard about the trip opportunity, my initial reaction (being a child of the 1980s) was “Didn’t “The Love Boat” stop there? And wasn’t Puerto Vallarta the trip they always gave away on game shows like “The Joker’s Wild” and “Tic-Tac-Dough?” (Man I love me some Wink Martindale.)

But alas, it’s still around and kicking, so I hope to enjoy some snorkeling, parasailing, and laying around the beach for seven glorious days.

I’ll be back blogging again, probably on New Year’s Day or so. In the meantime, have a wonderful New Year to one and all, and please oh please let them end the NHL lockout while I’m gone.

**Couple more things to leave you with before I go. This was on Jimmy Fallon the other night; the old “Who’s On First” routine that still cracks me up, with some modifications, starring Billy Crystal and Jerry Seinfeld. Funny stuff…

**Finally, can’t leave without sharing some of the great photos on “The Big Picture” gallery of the best of 2012. I’ve linked to their incredible galleries before, and this one doesn’t disappoint.(besides the one above, No. 11, 32, and 35 are my favorites).

Some amazing photographs showing all kinds of human emotion, each one tells a great story.

The inspiring story of Adam Greenberg, getting 1 more shot at bat. A TV theme-song mashup from Jimmy Fallon. And “Big Bang” is back

It’s a rare Good News Friday when I tip my cap to the Miami Marlins baseball team. But that’s where I start today, because of a wonderful gesture they’re making to a guy who’s one shot at the big leagues was cruelly taken away.

Adam Greenberg was once a hot prospect in the Chicago Cubs organization, and on July 9, 2005 fulfilled every kid’s dream by getting into his first major-league game.
But on the first pitch he saw, a 92-miles per hour fastball from a Marlins pitcher named Valerio De los Santos, Greenberg was drilled in the head. It was his only at bat in the big leagues, as for the last seven years the kid has tried and tried to make it back to the majors.

Can you imagine the frustration Greenberg must’ve felt, getting so close to your dream but not really getting to touch it?
After just about every big-league team has taken a pass on Greenberg’s attempts to come back, a filmmaker named Matt Liston started an Internet publicity tour, trying to convince a club to give Greenberg just one more at-bat.

Well, in a beautiful twist, it was the Marlins reached out to Greenberg this week, and told him they were signing him to a one-day contract.

Next Tuesday, Adam Greenberg will get to play in the majors again, and finally get a real at-bat in the bigs.
Happy endings sometimes really can happen.

**Jimmy Fallon and friends are back with a great song mash-up; so many wonderful TV theme show songs here, and of course “The Greatest American Hero” is thrown in. It gets good around 45 seconds in…)

**Finally, it’s definitely good news that the funniest show on television came back with new episodes Thursday night. Watching “The Big Bang Theory” now, when everyone in the the world watches it, knowing that I was hooked from season 1, is like having a big secret and then the rest of the world finds out.

Last season ended on such a high note, with Howard blasting off into space, and the other couples showing real growth, that I couldn’t wait for this season to begin.

The good news was Thursday night’s episode was pretty funny; Raj drunk, giving love advice to Penny and Leonard, was terrific. And Howard’s mother being annoying and guilting her son even while he was in outer space… classic. (And the Russian guy’s line was great “And to think these people won the Cold War.”)

But I’m starting to get annoyed at the Amy-Sheldon relationship. At the end of last season it looked like completely emotionless automaton Sheldon finally was getting into a real relationship with real feelings with Amy, but Thursday it was back to normal, Sheldon being a total dumbass with Amy. Starting to wonder why she would put up with him this long.

I’m afraid this fantastic show is going to go overboard trying to stop Sheldon from growing like a normal human being.

Otherwise, it’s still the funniest 30 minutes of TV every week. If you’re not watching it by now, you just must not like to laugh.

A night in the audience of the Jimmy Fallon show. A beautiful essay about why we care about sports. And some impossible pool trick shots.

Wanted to write all about the French Open men’s final for today, and what happened in the epic showdown, the 4th in a row at a Grand Slam, between Nadal and Djokovic on Sunday. But the damn rain in Paris delayed the finish until Monday morning. And so, you get no tennis commentary today. Tomorrow, a whole bunch…

I got to experience a pretty cool “life first” Friday afternoon. Have always wanted to see a live TV show taping. Had a few chances while on vacation in California over the years, but for one reason or another, it never worked out (one show got cancelled before we got to see it taped. So I didn’t miss much that day).

But Friday I finally got into a studio audience. My fiance and I got tickets to see “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.” I was never a big fan of his on “SNL” partly because he cracked up on camera all the time, but I’ve very much enjoyed clips and the few episodes I’ve seen of his late-night show (this classic clip with Bruce Springsteen is my all-time favorite Fallon moment).

After waiting for a few hours to get into the studio once we arrived with our tickets, it was a pretty cool experience to finally see.
Some scattered thoughts/observations:
– Jimmy Fallon? Really, really tall.
– Was really struck by how tiny the actual studio was. There were maybe 150 of us in the audience, and we were pretty much on top of where all the action was. Always seemed like studio audiences were bigger on TV.

– I find it hilarious that in 2012, we have telephones that do our shopping for us and answer every one of life’s questions, we have other technology that’s beyond our wildest dreams, but on a TV set, there’s still one guy holding up words on blue cue cards for the host to read.
The same way they did it in 1963.

– Maybe the strangest thing I saw was, during one of the commercial breaks, Fallon announced to the crowd “OK folks, I’m going to do some local promos now, try to be loud,” and then he proceeded to do four quick spots like “Hello Denver, tonight I’ve got Ben Stiller and Anthony Bourdain and the great band Japandroids…”
Who knew network TV stars still did stuff like that?

– Finally, the funniest bit was the one above that started the show. You just never see a triangle getting played much anymore, do you? And how great are The Roots guys in the background, playing 3rd graders instruments?

**And now, for no particular reason other than it made my jaw drop a few times, here’s a cool collection of pool trick shots. I think the one at :45 was my favorite…

**Finally, it was a hell of a sports weekend, even if we lost the chance for a horse racing Triple Crown before the race even started (apparently I’ll Have Another changed his mind and said no thanks). The Miami Heat advanced to the NBA Finals, Manny Pacquiao apparently got completely ripped off by some boxing judges (gee that’s surprising, boxing has always seemed so fair), the Yankees swept the Mets, and the New Jersey Devils kept hockey alive for a few more days.

ESPN’s Bill Simmons, probably the most-read sportswriter in America today, doesn’t write as entertaining columns as he used to, and he’s not as prolific as he used to be.
But when he writes about his kids, and sports, and why we care so much, he always nails it. He wrote a great piece Friday that’s well worth your time; check it out here and feel the joy and heartbreak that makes us keep coming back for more.

Rules for men in a public bathroom (women, read this!). Obama and Jimmy Fallon “slow jam” the news. And a brave college kid opens up about his tragic past

Women, there are some things you’ll just never understand about men.
How we can sit there for 20 minutes listening to you talk about your day and then have no idea what you just said.
How we can stay up at 2 a.m. flipping through 57 movie channels hoping to see someone naked.
These are the kinds of questions there are no answers to, ladies. But today, I will do my best to answer one of your queries that has long gone unanswered:

What the hell are the rules for men in public bathrooms? Glad you asked. Because there are many.
I turn it over to the fine people at goodmenproject.com, who have broken down the 7 rules of men’s bathroom etiquette.
I have studied this document thoroughly, and I can tell you that all of these rules are 100 percent true. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 4 here; these are unbreakable.

Ladies, you’re welcome. And if you have any further questions, I’m here to help.

**I don’t have too many rules on this blog, but anytime a sitting President of the United States takes part in a late-night comic’s skit and pulls it off well, I’m gonna put it here. Mr. Obama was on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” the other night, and along with Fallon, the POTUS “slow-jammed” the news. Check it out…

**Finally, I urge you strongly to read this column. Matt Watts is a graduating senior at the University of Florida, and a writer for the school’s newspaper, The Daily Alligator. He’s a little older than most students, and upon his farewell from the paper, he penned one of the most brutally honest, brave and eloquent columns I”ve ever read from a college student.

I almost hate to give away what he’s writing about, but maybe it’ll make you more likely to click: A few years ago, Watts’ mother told his father she wanted a divorce. He responded by shooting her, point-blank, in the face at the family home.

It’s a tragedy beyond comprehension, yet Watts beautifully puts it into prose here.
What a wonderful piece of writing.

Bill Gates, champion of America’s teachers. The wild and radical Girl Scouts, a true threat to America! Jimmy Fallon channels Eddie Vedder and Jeremy Lin

You may have heard about the kerfuffle here in New York last weekend, when several New York City newspapers printed the test score results for teachers in Grades 4-8 of 12,000 New York City schoolteachers.

Because I am in training to become one, I think it’s wise not to comment on this whole mess. Instead, I will simply point you to something written by a man 1,000 times smarter, and 1 million times wealthier, than me. This is Bill Gates, a true champion of education reform, but also of good teachers, in the New York Times last week.

Well said, Mr. Gates.

**Been meaning to post this for a few days but other things kept pushing it out of  my mind. Jimmy Fallon, who has already given us wonderful tributes/imitations of Bob Dylan doing “Charles in Charge” and a duet with Bruce Springsteen covering a Willow Smith song, now gives us Eddie Vedder, with new lyrics to “Jeremy” in honor of Knicks sensation Jeremy Lin… This is awesome.

**Finally, you know, I’ve always thought the biggest threat to our freedom and ideals were those young girls in the green and white Girl Scouts uniforms.
Finally, someone agrees with me. It’s a state senator from the great state of Indiana, Rep. Bob Morris, a Republican of Fort Wayne.
Last week ole’ Bob decided he couldn’t sign a letter congratulating all those ex-Brownies (is that still what the call the little kids before they get to be Girl Scouts?) on their 100th anniversary because he read on the Web that the Girl Scouts, you see, “are a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, that they allow transgender females to join, ‘just like any real girl,’ and encourage sex.”

Yes, those damn Scouts are always encouraging sex. I must’ve missed it when I was buying all those Tagalongs and Thin Mints all these years, but subliminally those cookies were telling me use my Samoas to help get laid (and then of course to go out and have my concubine get an abortion)!

Even better, courtesy of my friends at Daily Kos, is an excerpt from Bob’s letters to his supporters:

“Many parents are abandoning the Girl Scouts because they promote homosexual lifestyles. In fact, the Girl Scouts education seminar girls are directed to study the example of role models. Of the fifty role models listed, only three have a briefly-mentioned religious background – all the rest are feminists, lesbians, or Communists. World Net Daily, in a May 2009 article, states that Girl Scout Troops are no longer allowed to pray or sing traditional Christmas Carols.”

Oh Bob, I really hope the Scouts of Indiana don’t find out where your office is. My guess is next time you walk to your car, you’ll be buried under an avalanche of Caramel DeLites.

The strange story of John Lennon’s tooth. Timberlake and Fallon score again. And a cool Halloween costume that’s 1980s-inspired.

This one falls under the category of “Really? This is an item you’d want?”

A tooth that was once in the mouth of John Lennon is being auctioned off on November 5 in England. It is currently in the possession of the family of Lennon’s former housekeeper, Dot Jarlett, who received the molar from the Beatles frontman after it fell out in his kitchen one day.
Apparently Lennon thought it would be a cool souvenir for Jarlett’s daughter.
The auction house is starting bidding at $16,000. Seriously folks, if you’ve got $16,000 to spend on a TOOTH of someone who’s not even related to you, you have TOO much money.
Give that money to charity or something. Please. And where would you display the tooth, in a glass case and show it to visitors to your home before dinner?
Yuck.

**Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon have hilariously already performed the first two parts of “The History of Rap” on Fallon’s late night show in the past year.
Friday night the best rap duo since Salt ‘N’ Pepa were back for Part 3. Brilliant:

This made me laugh, as a former wrestling fan. NHL Player Paul Bissonnette dressed up for Halloween as Hacksaw Jim Duggan, the awesome and slightly crazy former WWF wrestler from the 1980s. Hacksaw stumbled around and yelled “Hoooo” pretty much all the time in the ring, and he was always a symbol of American pride (or tried to be with his character).
And until basketball star Jimmer Fredette came along in the last few years, Hacksaw was the most famous native of Glens Falls, N.Y., a small city I was proud to call home for a few years.
In the words of Hacksaw, “Hoooooo.”