The guy who really, really hated saggy pants. Missing velvet ropes at the bank. And the greatest fake movie trailer ever

You may hate baggy pants worn by kids. I may hate baggy, saggy pants worn by kids. But nobody hates them as much as my man Kenneth Bonds of Memphis, Tenn.
Mr. Bonds saw two teenagers with their pants hanging down on a recent evening. He told them to pull them up. Cameron Tucker, 17, and Isaac Taylor, 16, wouldn’t comply with the man’s request.
So Bonds did the only thing, the thing we’d all do: He started shooting at them with his semi-automatic weapon.
He hit Tucker in the butt, and the bullet exited through the thigh.
If only those kids had listened to the “American Idol” classic video above.

**So I was in the bank today, waiting for a little while, and I looked around and realized something:
The velvet ropes are gone. Maybe they’ve been gone for a while, and I never noticed. Maybe it’s just in Bank of Americas that velvet ropes are no longer in play.
But I remembered how cool I thought it was as  a little kid, when I was stuck in the absolute boredom that is the bank (Seinfeld did a classic early bit on kids in the bank), to see those velvet ropes in the middle of the room. I’d run my hands on them, think how fancy they were, and for a few seconds forget I was in a stupid bank.
And now there are no more velvet ropes, it seems. Just cold-looking black straps surrounding people as they wait in line.
Made me briefly sad. I miss the velvet ropes.

**I’m not sure whose idea this was, but it’s bloody brilliant. It’s called “A Trailer for Every Academy Award Winning Movie Ever.” And if you’ve ever watched a “real” movie trailer, you’ll find yourself laughing out loud at least a few times. My favorite part is from 1:07-1:15:


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