My grandma moves to a new home, and it breaks our hearts. And the President shows some spine

This one’s a little personal…

Maybe Wednesday was just any other day for you.
In my little family, it was titanic. Epic. An incredibly sad yet important milestone.
My grandmother, Marcelle Kouvant, is 92 years old. She’s the best person I’ve ever met, and the only close second is my own mother.
For 60-plus years, Grandma has lived in a small two-bedroom apartment in Queens, N.Y. It was the epicenter of our world, a tiny dwelling that somehow held so much love.
I can tell you hundreds of stories of the joy and wonder that took place in that little home, but suffice to say, it was where you felt safe, secure and adored every single moment you were there. Whether you were family or stranger, you were loved in that apartment.
For decades, Grandma was a rock. She didn’t age, her mind was sharper than a Ginzu knife, and she always made you feel, every second, that you were the most important person in the world.

About six years ago, finally, the aging process began to take hold. Suddenly she didn’t remember that story of when you were 10 and she slept over when you were sick, or the name of that friend she and Grandpa knew decades earlier.
We knew what it could be. But we didn’t want to believe.  This remarkable woman couldn’t possibly have what doctors would confirm: The early stages of Alzheimers.
It’s been called the cruelest disease, because it leaves your body intact while ravaging your mind.
Little by little, day by day, the rock of Gibraltar of our family slipped through our fingertips.
We tried to hold on to her; tried to latch on to every hopeful sign. A few summers ago at her 90th birthday celebration, she beat my wife and I at gin rummy, game after game. How could someone who could do that be sick?
But we were losing her. Home care aides came in, first four hours a day, then for eight, and then 12.
My heroic mother did so much to hold on, kept trying to make the best of the situation, but it was killing her inside, watching her mother slip away.
Finally, after months and months of minor emergencies at the apartment, it was time. The horrible decision of moving Grandma out of the place she’d lived since World War II had to be made, by my mother and my Aunt Linda.
Grandma couldn’t live alone anymore. She just couldn’t.
Wednesday we got the call. The nursing home on Long Island had a room for her. She hardly understood where she was going, and it only sunk in today that she wouldn’t be returning home.
It’s unfathomable to me right now that I’ll never be in that little apartment again. All the happiness, all the meals, all the hugs and kisses, all of it inside those four walls, is gone.
She’s now in a place where she’ll be taken care of very well, I have no doubt. And the incredible strain on my mother, which worries my sister, stepfather and I, should ease a bit.
The Earth kept spinning Wednesday night, even while Marcelle Kouvant’s apartment was vacant.
But a little part of our family’s history has faded into the shadows. It is the end of an era.
And so I am sad. But so, so grateful for all the years I’ve had with her.

**So many other things I was going to blog about today; Mike Tyson picks the Oscars, the insane Indiana Attorney General, an incredible Rolling Stone expose, and an epic basketball coach meltdown. But I’ll save them for the weekend.
I can’t let today go by without finally celebrating the federal government’s decision to stop trying to enforce the odious Defense of Marriage Act, with the President, in essence, saying it is unconstitutional. DOMA basically said that only a man and woman are allowed to be married in the eyes of the federal government.

It was a disgusting law when it was enacted, and it’s shameful that it was allowed to be settled law this long. No, this is not a major victory, yet. States still might not recognize same-sex marriages that other states do recognize.
But our President, first on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” and now on DOMA, has finally grown a set, and done what’s right.
And after bashing him on gay rights for a long time, well, I think those of us on the left ought to tip our caps to him on this one.

18 responses to “My grandma moves to a new home, and it breaks our hearts. And the President shows some spine

  1. Pingback: Jeff Pearlman » A beautiful piece …

  2. I agree with Jeff completely. Very eloquent & touching. 😦

  3. My thoughts are with you and your family.
    Love you and thinking about you.
    (And I am sorry for accidentally locking you out of the bathroom in her apartment when you had to go real bad in the middle of the night in 1982.)

  4. Jeff was right. I did need that tissue. It’s incredibly sad, but she sounds like a wonderful person that has obviously made a huge impact on your life. Also, I love that photo…

  5. What a fabulous piece. Anyone who ever met her was touched by a beautiful human being. There will never be another like her.

  6. nice read, Michael. hang in there, dude.

  7. the happiness and meals and hugs and kisses will never be gone, as long as you can remember them. just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and when you want them, that’s where they’ll be.

  8. michael is very much right, that all you had will not be wholly gone. For what it’s worth, we’ve recently had a similar situation with my father-in-law, a phenomenal guy and family keystone. He and my mother-in-law moved into an apartment where assisted living is a future option, and it’s changed Mom’s life for the better in a big way, and Dad’s, too. Not that it’s what I’d wish for them, but life’s not made of wishes. Thanks for the read, and all good luck for you and your grandmom.

  9. Having known Marcelle, Michael, his mom and his whole family, I can not describe how touching and moving that blog was. Memories are within us, not in the buildings or artifacts that remain. Keep those very precious and incredibly loving thoughts you all have and we will all continue to keep you all in our thoughts. L & I

  10. We were blown away by your beautiful tribute to this amazing and one-of-a-kind human being. You truly captured the impact she had on her family;her innate goodness and kindness made us all better people. We hope, with all of our hearts, that her new home will bring her happiness and contentment and peace. She so richly deserves it!!

  11. janet and bob

    Dear Michael We loved your story about your lovely Grandma. How touching and what a wonderful tribute to her and your family… We know her and agree with all the stories and words. Having gone through similar experiences, your mom and I have shared the emotions and feelings involved in this decision and it was the right and thoughtful thing to do for all …. Hope all is well/ Love janet and bob kutin

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