My friends, one of my proudest streaks as a human being has come to an end.
No, not my streak of never turning down a chocolate chip cookie (35 years and counting on that one.)
I’m talking about a streak that has been so hard to keep going. A streak that took work, dedication, perseverance, and most of all, concentration.
I refer to the streak that ended Wednesday night, when I turned on David Letterman a little after midnight and saw them. All three of them.
Until Wednesday night, I could proudly say that I had never in my life heard a Kardashian sister speak.
Oh, I’ve seen their pictures on TV and in magazines, of course. It’s downright impossible to be alive in 2011 and not have seen Kim, Khloe, or Kourtney wearing some ridiculous outfit or another.
But I was proud that I’d never subjected my ears to their whining and blathering.
But what the hell, my remote landed on Letterman, and as with a car crash or an episode of “Friday Night Lights,” I couldn’t look away.
Couple of thoughts on the Sisters K from someone who literally was hearing them for the first time:
— They somehow managed to be incredibly stupid and yet quite condescending in talking to Dave. Not easy to do. I felt bad for Letterman, actually.
— I know 99 percent of the male hetero population will disagree, but I don’t find any of them attractive. Maybe, possibly, Kourtney is a little cute. But Kim and Khloe (who’s just downright nasty based on the comments she made on the show) do nothing for me.
— Letterman kept confusing which one was which. Like it matters. They all gave the same vacuous answers and irritating giggle that followed.
After watching the interview, I felt a little dirty. But was relieved I still have one solid streak going:
I have never, ever watched one second of an episode of “Jersey Shore.” That has to count for something.
**Couldn’t help myself. Watched a lot of the GOP presidential debate last night. Glad to see Rick Perry continue to implode; Pearlman and I were talking after the debate and I said that Perry is going to be a guy who no one takes seriously after a while, because he just can’t help himself from saying moronic, ridiculous things (like saying Social Security was a “Ponzi scheme” and a “monstrous lie).
I found myself in the odd position of being on the same side as the ultimate fraud, Mitt Romney, during his sparring sessions with Perry.
And can someone give Newt Gingrich a hug and a teddy bear? Man is he angry.
But the most telling moment of the whole debate came not from one of the candidates spewing nonsense. It came from the crowd. Check out their reaction as moderator Brian Williams mentions that as Governor of Texas Perry oversaw the executions of 234 people:
Cheering. Out and out applause at the mention that the government has executed 234 of its citizens. Some of whom may very well have been innocent.
Chilling, that this is what some in America feel is worth applauding. And Perry’s smug answer says everything about what kind of a torturing Cheney-esque Commander in Chief he’d be.
**Finally, you gotta love the British cops in this story. Apparently a man on parole they attached an ankle bracelet to was somehow able to break his court-appointed curfew recently.
Was it too loose? Nope. They just put the bracelet on his artificial leg.
Yep, Christopher Lowcock fooled these bastions of law and order by removing his ankle (and the rest of his fake leg) anytime he wanted to go out.
As Adam Felber on Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me quipped: “Does Lindsay Lohan know about this scam?”