It’s April, which means spring, a new baseball season, and equally as important for your favorite blogger: new and possibly awesomely disgusting ballpark food innovations.
I love writing about the outlandish and possibly vomit-inducing ballpark food because some of this stuff is the product of sick and/or brilliant minds. So without further ado, here are two “debuts” I’m looking forward to seeing:
First, I bring you the new menu item served by the Lake County Captains, a Class A in Eastlake, Ohio. The Captains are serving a Moby Dick sandwich, which is five quarter-pound fish filets, and six ounces of clam strips on a 15-inch sesame seed hoagie roll.
It also comes with eight slices of cheese, one-third pound of French fries, one cup of cole slaw, all topped off by gobs of lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and tartar sauce — all for only $20. It weighs three pounds, and, I love this part of the description, it “feeds two fans uncomfortably or four fans comfortably.”
I can’t wait to see someone eat that all by themselves. Before having a heart attack, of course.
The other new item that’s gotten a lot of attention is from the Texas Rangers. They’re selling a two-foot-long, 1-pound hot dog for $26. It’s topped with sautéed onions, shredded cheese, jalapenos, chili, and a defibrillator.
It’s designed for three people to eat. Twenty-six bucks for a hot dog, though? You’d have to have a really hungry family to try that.
**Tonight is the final night of the college basketball season, which excitingly for me means a great title game and the annual showing of “One Shining Moment,” which chokes me up every year because it’s so awesome.
A couple quick thoughts on Kentucky vs. Kansas tonight:
— You know every single person at the NCAA is rooting for the Jayhawks. Because you just know Kentucky will have this title vacated at some point. It’s what John Calipari does: cheats, wins, and then gets caught later (see: Memphis, UMass).
— Only way I think Kansas wins is if Thomas Robinson puts up 20 points and 20 boards, and the Wildcat freshmen finally start feeling the pressure.
— If Kansas wins, Bill Self will have won two national titles at a school that Roy Williams couldn’t win one at. As a Duke fan, that gives me a tiny bit of pleasure.
**Finally, a few words about twins. I spent the weekend with some friends who have identical 6-year-old boys, and a 3-year-old girl. They were cute and loving and so much fun to be around.
But man, the identical twin thing has always fascinated me. Here’s a whole other person who looks exactly like you, comes from the same place, and pretty much gets confused for you throughout childhood. You never quite are your own person.
On the other hand, you always know what another person is thinking. You can fool teachers and girls and have a lot of fun. And you’re really never, ever alone in life.
It just has to be a really weird and cool way to go through life. The two boys I hung with this weekend seemed to really get along; I hope they always are each other’s best friends.
Two anecdotes from the weekend, one funny and one sweet: The kids’ mom told us that the twins’ 3 1/2-year-old sister can usually tell them apart, but when slightly confused, she sometimes walks up to one of the boys and asks “Who are you?”
The other revealing moment came when the kids’ mom told us about when all three kids like to have a “sleepover” in one of the bedrooms. When this happens, one of the boys always insists that his twin brother sleep with his face toward him, because having his face near him “gives him good dreams.”
Ahh, the power of two.