A truthful obituary, written by the guy who died. The Boy Scouts, once again disgustingly bigoted. And a cherry-pit spitting contest winner to be proud of

I’ve heard of people throwing funerals for themselves while they’re still alive, so they get to see and hear all that people would say about them when they’re six feet under.

But writing your own obituary before you die, and being completely 100 percent honest about your past while doing it? That’s a little more rare.

But Val Patterson, of Salt Lake City, didn’t want a regular old obituary when he passed away. So he wrote this one, which is touching and funny and brutally truthful (example: “As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971.”).

Give it a read, count your blessings. I’m glad Patterson’s family has such a warm final memory of their loved one.

**So, the Boy Scouts. Upon further review: Still a loathsome, offensive, bigoted private organization. After a two-year study, the Boy Scouts of America announced Tuesday that they will continue to ban gay scout leaders in its ranks. Or gays of any kind, for that matter.
Yes, I know they’re a private organization and can do what they want. But it doesn’t mean, just like Augusta National Golf Club, that they shouldn’t be called out for this hideous display of bigoted thinking.
This is my favorite part of their nauseating statement affirming the current ban: “The vast majority of the parents of youth we serve value their right to address issues of same-sex orientation within their family, with spiritual advisers, and at the appropriate time and in the right setting,” said Bob Mazzuca, BSA’s chief scout executive.
As Andrew Rosenthal puts it in the N.Y. Times, they’re basically saying homosexuality is a mental illness that needs to be “dealt with.” Pray the gay away, and what not.

Such a terrible message to send to young boys out there.

**Finally, some contests are more prestigious than others. I’ll put this one in the “mighty impressive, but a little weird” category: Mr. Ron Matt, of Chicago, has won the International Cherry Pit Spitting Contest held a few weeks ago in Eau Claire, Mich. Matt spat a solid 69 feet to win the title! Second-place guy spat only 61 feet, 2 inches.

Sounds like a rout. Here’s some video of last year’s event, and hey, how’d you like to be the folks having to clean up after this event?



One response to “A truthful obituary, written by the guy who died. The Boy Scouts, once again disgustingly bigoted. And a cherry-pit spitting contest winner to be proud of

  1. Will Springstead

    If the son had a 93-foot spit and then only took third this year, I’d say it was either wind-aided or he should’ve been drug-tested after the record spit.

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