Daily Archives: January 30, 2014

Amazon.com scares me with their newest breakthrough. The amazing Meryl Streep can do anything (here’s proof). And David Stern hits Letterman on farewell tour

I’m not exactly sure what the line is when it comes to companies knowing way too much about us on the Internet; the line seems to move all the time. Amazon.com, especially, keeps pushing that line further and further away, and we all kind of shrug. (Drones delivering packages to our house? Sure!)

But this thing I heard about this week might be going a bit too far. OK, way too far. Amazon needs to chill out with this.

Apparently the newest development at the company is what they’re calling “pre-shipment”, where, get this, Amazon will start shipping things you might want to buy soon to fulfillment centers near where you live.

Seriously, they’ve now patented some kind of fancy mathematical formula that will look at what you’ve purchased before, along with what you’ve put on your “wish list” and what you’ve clicked on, and then shipping that item in your general direction before you’ve even bought it. That way, when you DO buy it, Amazon.com can get it to you quicker.

My head hurts just thinking about this. How do they know whether I’m really going to buy the item, and isn’t it a waste of time and money if I don’t end up buying it? Maybe I fall out of love with a certain author, or an appliance I thought I needed I no longer to.

So on behalf of the world, let me say this:

Dear Amazon.com,

We love you, really. You’ve made our lives better in many ways. But enough. You’re getting a little too clingy and too into us. Please stop trying to predict our every move and action. It creeps us out. Thanks.

Hugs and Kisses,

The World.

**So I don’t know if there’s a human being alive who doesn’t love Meryl Streep, probably the greatest American actress of all time. She’s been nominated for 18 Oscars, won three of them, and seems to be a hell of a nice person off screen as well (I say “seems to be” because, you know, you never know. We all thought O.J. was a nice guy until June, 1994).

Streep is famous for being able to do any kind of accent or persona, so recently on “Ellen” the host asked her to do some crazy scenarios that would test even Meryl’s range.

She of course came through perfectly, and hilariously. I really laughed at the last impression here….

**Finally today, sports fans may know that NBA commissioner David Stern, just about the most powerful guy in sports the last 30 years, is retiring next week. I’m not going to launch into a whole “legacy of David Stern” thing here, because it’s pretty obvious how brilliantly he helped steer the NBA of Larry and Magic, through the Michael Jordan era, right through LeBron. Stern is a marketing genius, a power-broker extraordinaire, and he took a sport that was highly regionalized and to a specific audience and exploded it into the world’s consciousness.

Anyway, Stern is retiring next week, and stopped by David Letterman Wednesday night to read a Top 10 list