You know how much I love newspaper corrections, and for me, the weirder the better.
So this one, from a newspaper called The Argus, based in Brighton, England, might be one of the strangest of all time.
They’re apologizing, first of all, for saying that the director of the Brighton Science Festival believes the “21st century will be remembered for a terrible war between mankind and goats.”
Here’s the whole correction:
“Friday’s Argus featured a Your Interview with Richard Robinson. ‘We would like to clarify that the quote “I have become increasingly convinced that we are heading for a disastrous confrontation and that the 21st century will be remembered for a terrible war between mankind and goats” was a reader question and not a response from Mr Robinson.
‘The next paragraph: ‘People often underestimate how dangerous a goat can be – I personally know six people who have become severely injured by goats, and the annual death toll racked up by goats is over 2,000,000″, is also a reader question and not a response from Mr Robinson.
‘The Argus is happy to correct this and would like to apologise for the error.’
So many questions. First, in the Mankind vs. Goats war, are there really any winners? Second, did we attack the goats with any specific weapon, like sledgehammers or knives, or did we just kind of run up to them and wrestle them to the ground, old-school style?
And finally, goats are killing TWO MILLION people a year? What the hell has got them so angry, getting blamed for the Chicago Cubs World Series drought? Can we get the goats some counseling, please?
OK, I’ll stop now.
**Next up today, I really loved this simple ad from Honey Maid that I found on Andrew Sullivan’s blog. Much like that Cheerios commercial that some conservatives got their panties all up in a bunch about, it’s what America looks like in 2014, and it’s a beautiful thing.
And if that bothers or offends you, well, get used to it: Things aren’t going back the way they used to be. And that’s a wonderful sign of progress.
**And finally, two days in the same week for the great state of Delaware to make my blog! This is worth it, I promise (hat tip to my sister for pointing me to it): An 80-year-old Newark, Del. man named Walter George Bruhl, Jr., died on Sunday. But thoughtfully, he took the time to write his own obit beforehand.
I’ve seen these done a few times before, but none with this kind of flair. A sample of his words:
Walter George Bruhl Jr. of Newark and Dewey Beach is a dead person; he is no more; he is bereft of life; he is deceased; he has rung down the curtain and gone to join the choir invisible; he has expired and gone to meet his maker.
He drifted off this mortal coil Sunday, March 9, 2014, in Punta Gorda, Fla. His spirit was released from his worn-out shell of a body and is now exploring the universe.
He was surrounded by his loving wife of 57 years, Helene Sellers Bruhl, who will now be able to purchase the mink coat which he had always refused her because he believed only minks should wear mink.
Here’s a little more from Walter, a little later in the obit:
There will be no viewing since his wife refuses to honor his request to have him standing in the corner of the room with a glass of Jack Daniels in his hand so he would appear natural to visitors.
Cremation will take place at the family’s convenience, and his ashes will be kept in an urn until they get tired of having it around. What’s a Grecian Urn? Oh, about 200 drachmas a week.
Read the whole hilarious obit here; I have a feeling Walter’s funeral is going to be one hell of a good time.