Before we begin today’s blog, a loyal reader has requested (nay, demanded!) I update you on one of the most pressing issues of the day: The USA Freedom girls, the adorable tykes I’ve blogged about twice, who sang at a Donald Trump rally, then didn’t get paid after promises were made to pay them, are now suing The Donald. Which is awesome. I hope they get lots of money from him. On with the show…
It’s been a while since I’ve written about a truly terrible and awesome infomercial, but thankfully, Joe Posnanski, whose infomercial “analysis” is second to none, is back with this hilarious story on the Atomic Beam infomercial, which truly is one of the stupidest products/infomercials I’ve ever seen.
Watch it please (linked in my Tweet above, for some reason it won’t embed properly), and then come back and answer a few questions for me, including:
— Why in the world would a mugger be scared off by a woman with a flashlight? Mace, I understand. But bright lights scare these would-be criminals? Are they like, part-Gremlin?
— Putting the flashlight in a vat of frying oil filled with French Fries (at the :40 mark), makes me really question the cleanliness of that particular fast food establishment.
— Our former Marine host dude keeps trying to smash the Atomic Beam, but all he really does is smash the block of ice around the flashlight, not the light itself. Why should I be impressed?
I’ve got lots more questions, but Joe Poz has his own hilarious take on it. If you need a really good belly laugh today, I urge you to read it.
**Next up today, this is why I love the Internet: People take the time to do stupid stuff that turns out really funny. In this case, someone on the Internet took the time to take all the “music” out of the famous video for “Dancing in the Streets,” starring those two legends, David Bowie and Mick Jagger.
Really hilarious. Mick looks so uncoordinated here…
**And finally today, in addition to terrible infomercials not being on my blog for awhile, it’s also been a long time since I’ve gotten around to talking about stupid criminals.
Thankfully, the brilliant folks on NPR’s “Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me” brought one to my attention this week.
Meet Dustin Brannon, a Kenosha, Wisc. man who was responsible for two robberies in the state recently.
Dustin was arrested last week for robbing a gas station and a liquor store. How did the intrepid cops get a break in this unsolvable crime? They found T-shirts left at the scene that had the name “Dustin Brannon” ironed on to the inside.
Oh Dustin. I don’t know what’s more embarrassing: That you left your shirts at the scene of the crime, or that you have your name ironed on to your T-shirt.