Daily Archives: December 4, 2017

Another insane political weekend, with Trump implicating himself in a crime and a horrendous tax bill passed. You can’t stop Josh McCown, or those New York Jets! And the opossum that drank a bottle of bourbon (sure).

This was something we all talked about after last November’s election: Don’t normalize this. Don’t get numb to it. The Presidency of Donald Trump will be a real thing, rolling on day after day, and there will be so many things happen that had never happened before, so many things a U.S. President would never, ever say or do that now occur on the regular. Don’t give in. Don’t ever forget that this is NOT normal.

I was thinking about that this weekend, after two pretty amazing and horrible things occurred in our federal government. First, a party that claims to be fiscally responsible, wants to cut the national debt, and pretended to be outraged at how Democrats ran things when they were in charge of the Senate decided to firewagon an enormous 479-page tax reform bill through the Senate in a matter of days, without any kind of tax score, time for hearings, question or opposing thoughts. They completely lied about it being a “middle class tax cut,” when in reality it will benefit wealthy people and corporations enormously.

They literally were writing changes to the bill in pen and handing out those copies Friday night, forcing a vote before anyone had a chance to read it. And then, despite all of the rushing and lying and the alleged “opposition” to how Trump and the GOP Senate do things from people like John McCain and Jeff Flake (frauds, both of them), managed to pass this monstrosity of a bill at around 2 a.m. Saturday

It is disgraceful and disgusting, but it is what happens now. Then, because you can always count on our President to do something stupid, he announced on Twitter that he had committed the crime of obstruction of justice.

“I had to fire General Flynn because he lied to the Vice President and the FBI,” Trump wrote in a tweet.

In other words, when Trump asked then-FBI Director James Comey to go easy on Flynn, Trump already knew Flynn had lied to the FBI. So when Comey refused to go easy on Flynn, Trump fired Comey. That is textbook obstruction of justice.

Robert Mueller, I believe your case has been made much easier thanks to the madman moron who just can’t stop Tweeting.

Portrait Of Opossum On Field By Rock

**Next up today, I have been quite derelict in posting bizarre news stories on the blog of late, so let me try to rectify that right now. This one is a beaut: The lede from an AP story in Fort Walton Beach, Fla.:

“An opossum that apparently drank bourbon after breaking into a Florida liquor store sobered up at a wildlife rescue center and was released unharmed.

Emerald Coast Wildlife Refuge officials say the opossum was brought in by a Fort Walton Beach, Florida, police officer on Nov. 24. A liquor store employee found the animal next to a broken and empty bottle of bourbon.

“A worker there found the opossum up on a shelf next to a cracked open bottle of liquor with nothing in it,” said Michelle Pettis, a technician at the refuge. “She definitely wasn’t fully acting normal.”

OK, I have SO many questions here! First, the opossum “broke into” the liquor store implies that he/she/it, like, picked a lock and disabled an alarm or snuck in through a window ledge. How do we know the opossum committed a crime? Maybe the animal just ambled in behind a few customers and no one noticed, why they gotta already criminalize the opossum?

Second, just because Otto Opossum was next to an empty bottle of bourbon doesn’t necessarily mean he drank it, right? I mean, couldn’t the opossum have been framed by a rival, like a bunny or a mouse? Where’s the hard evidence, dammit!

And finally, look, OK, it’s not easy being an opossum. Nobody gives you any respect, nobody knows if you’re spelled “opossum” or “possum” and the career opportunities just aren’t there like they are for squirrels or chipmunks. You ever seen an opossum in a bear commercial? Me either.

So if the opossum needed some bourbon to get through the day, who’s business is it, huh? I say leave the little bugger alone.

This story is priceless. My favorite line: “Pettis says the opossum did not appear to have a hangover.”

Whew.

**Finally today, if you told me that on Dec. 3 of this year, the New York freaking Jets would still be appearing in those NFL playoff scenarios on national broadcasts, I’d have tell you to go get drunk with an opossum. But damn the torpedoes and pass the liquor, my favorite tortured football team is still alive, dammit. After a stunning 38-31 win over the Kansas City Chiefs, the Jets are 5-7, which is at least three wins better than I thought they’d be for the whole season.

Josh McCown (Josh McCown!) the 38-year-0ld quarterback, threw for 366 yards on Sunday, the Chiefs defense did all it could to help Gang Green, and the awful Jets D finally made a stop at the end of the game.

Look, the Jets aren’t any good but geez Louise, they’ve won FIVE games this year, which no one expected. Todd Bowles was a good candidate to get fired before the season began; now, dude should get Coach of the Year. What an unexpectedly interesting season the Jets have carved out.

Couple other quick-hit NFL thoughts from a pretty entertaining Sunday:

— The Jacksonville Jaguars are 8-4 and going to the playoffs. Yeah, I don’t believe it either.

— There are so, so many bad quarterbacks playing right now. I was saying to my friend Sunday after the Jets’ win, that everyone knocks McCown, but you know what, he’s in the top half of NFL starting QBs right now! That’s how bad the QB situation is.

— How’d that QB switch work out, Giants? Asking for a friend.

— Not sure who the best team in the league is, but happily we know the Cleveland Browns are the worst. It is really, really hard to be this bad.

— Finally, hey Gronk, this was total, total bush league. This is why NFL players have mush for brains when they’re 50.

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