When I was in junior high, there was a strong rumor going around that one of the social studies teachers in our school had once posed nude in Playboy.
This rumor was so pervasive in town that I heard about it before I got to junior high, then throughout my time there. I never had this teacher in class, but there were plenty of times when I heard students gossiping about her, claiming to have seen the layout, etc. The rumor inspired surprise and a little bit of revulsion in us pre-teen boys, because we didn’t think she was attractive, and were horrified to imagine her naked.
I tell you all this because this story made me remember my junior high ex-Playmate (if she really was ever in there). The Oxnard, Calif. school district has voted to fire Miss Stacie Halas, 31, over the small matter of her students having recently discovered she was in a bunch of porn films.
The science teacher at Haydock Intermediate School made a bunch of X-rated movies before she was employed there (and man, would I have loved to see how she explained that on her resume!)
School officials said they fired her as well because of the disruption she would’ve caused by being back in the classroom.
So many jokes to be made here. But let’s just say if she ever decided to teach anatomy, I think the boys in class would sure as hell be paying attention.
**My buddy Pearlman brought this to my attention on Facebook Tuesday; it may be the strangest and creepiest public service announcement I’ve ever seen.
I may have nightmares about that baby tonight. And its teeth.
**Finally, haven’t written about a crazy Florida crime story in a while. It’s not that there haven’t been any; I just haven’t bothered to look.
Happily, I end my Florida crime drought today. Meet Mark Abaire, a 52-year-old Naples man who asked a McDonald’s employee for a courtesy cup of water. Instead, he took his empty cup and filled it up with soda.
He then sat in the restaurant drinking the soda. When asked to pay, he refused, then cursed at the manager and left.
Because of Mark’s many, many priors, he’s now been charged with a felony, instead of petty theft. For stealing a $1 cup of soda.
Mark, Mark, Mark. First rule of stealing: If you take something, don’t sit around drinking it!