Tag Archives: Chad Johnson

The spider who caused a Swiss panic. “Hard Knocks” starts with a bang. And beach volleyball and bickering Brazilians are must-see TV

So I found myself riveted by the U.S.-Brazil women’s beach volleyball match Tuesday, and no, not because there were beautiful women in bikinis (they weren’t even wearing bikinis, it was cold and raining in London during the match).
The U.S. team of Jen Kessy and April Ross were entertaining, and the match itself was exciting, with the American team rallying to win in three games.
But no, what I couldn’t stop watching was the intense arguing between the two Brazilian players, Juliana Silva and Larissa Franca (here’s a clip of them from a previous tournament, yelling at each other).

They were a hoot. They yelled at each other in Portugese the whole match, during timeouts, during points, everything. It seemed like Larissa was doing most of the yelling, even when it was her fault that Brazil lost the point. Apparently, I looked up after the match, this is common, that they yell all the time.

Sounds like a reality TV show waiting to happen if you ask me.

**So after a one-year absence, “Hard Knocks” is back on HBO. Which delights me. If you don’t know it, “Hard Knocks” is the show which goes behind the scenes in one team’s NFL training camp, showing us everything that goes on over five weeks.
This year the Miami Dolphins are in the spotlight, and even though the Dolphins are my 2nd-most hated NFL team (behind the Patriots, of course), I had to tune in and watch.
Couple initial thoughts on a really good first episode:
— I could’ve lived without seeing 300-pound lineman Mike Pouncey getting his nose hair trimmed. Just saying.
— Loved seeing Braylon Edwards, the former diva receiver, act so humble. Everyone comes back to Earth eventually, maybe you shouldn’t be such a jerk during your time at the top.
— Chad Ochocinco Johnson or whatever the hell he’s called: When you were a star, people laughed at your act and praised you. Now that you stink, not so much.
— I think it’s clear that rookie QB Ryan Tannehill’s wife Lauren will become the star of the show, don’t you think?

**Finally, an office in Switzerland had a little panic last week. Employees got really scared and called the police when they spotted a spider on a table.
When the police arrived, they made the shocking discovery that it was a PLASTIC spider.
Seriously, Swiss people? You’re calling the police over a spider? Even if it were real, there’s not one brave fellow who could’ve just stepped on it, or smacked it with a magazine (If national hero Roger Federer had been there, he would’ve smashed the critter with a racket).

I love what the police did, though. After pointing out it was plastic, they made the workers listen to an instructional lecture called “how to tell the difference between real spiders and plastic toys.”

Next week’s lecture at the firm: Superman: Can he really fly or is that just some fancy special effects?

A Jersey school district does a smart thing. The best parallel park ever. And a really funny football/rock Photoshop

Grade inflation has been a huge problem in schools for years now. You wouldn’t think so based on the test scores of American kids, but it seems like it’s far too easy to just skate by.

Which is why I was really happy when I heard what the Mt. Olive, N.J. school district is doing. It announced this week that it is removing “D” grades, and requiring all students to get a C, or a 70, to pass a class.

Maybe this will motivate kids to try harder. Maybe it’ll scare some of them into studying more, and not always shooting for the lowest common denominator, or being so satisfied with just “getting by.”
But mostly, I hope this challenges the kids of Mt. Olive to stop doing just enough, and to actually shoot for goals that are a little higher.

**I am a pretty mediocre driver, but I’m a really, really bad parallel parker. When we lived in Saratoga Springs it drove my wife nuts when it would take me five minutes to park on the street between two cars; she would honestly put her hands on her head and make guttural, inhuman sounds of frustration.

So I could not have more respect for this guy right here. He’s a New Zealander who was trying to break the record for the tightest parallel park in the world. And man, he absolutely destroys that record.

This guy is my new hero. Think he’s available for private lessons?

**Chad Johnson (aka Ochocinco, though I refuse to use that stupid name) has always mostly amused, more than annoyed, me as an NFL player. He never seemed to be half the jackass that his new teammate, Terrell Owens, is, though Chad does love the spotlight. He’s also pretty funny, tough.

This slayed me; a Photoshop that Chad put up paying tribute (sort of) to a great old Simon and Garfunkel record cover: