We political junkies were looking pretty bleary-eyed Tuesday, as the Iowa caucuses went deep into the night before anyone knew who had won.
When it comes to the Democratic primary, I have a quote and a video to sum up the night:
First, a quote from that noted political authority, Gloria Clemente, from the 1992 movie “White Men Can’t Jump.”
Sometimes when you win, you really lose, and sometimes when you lose, you really win, and sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie, and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs.
Thanks, Gloria. I think that quote perfectly sums up the night for Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton. When all was counted, tallied, and coin-flipped (more on that in a minute), Bernie and Hillary were just about tied, 49.8 percent to 49.6 percent. That .2 difference is so negligible that it was hilarious the media and Mrs. Clinton declared Tuesday she had “won” Iowa.
Yes, of course I’m biased here as an avowed Bernie backer, but this was a big win for Bernie, just to tie Hillary. I love the media spin Tuesday that the tie helps Hillary more because Bernie had the “demographics” in his favor in Iowa. Yeah, because the overwhelming frontrunner for the last two years doesn’t win the first contest, it’s somehow disappointing for the other guy.
Puh-leeze. This was absolutely a draw, and when you’re the huge underdog like Bernie is, a draw is great.
This is officially a real contest, now. Thank heavens. Which leads me to my other quote that sums up Monday night’s results:
Thanks, Apollo and his trainer (Duke, was his name, right?). Now Bernie has to win New Hampshire by at least 8-10 points, and then keep it close in Nevada, within a few points. And then, South Carolina will be the real big test of his candidacy.
Couple quick thoughts from the batshit-crazy side of the caucuses:
— Marco Rubio was the happiest 3rd-place finisher you’ve ever seen in your life. Man was he excited. Truth is, though, this was huge for him. As Trump slowly starts to fade, it’ll be Rubio vs. Cruz, and Cruz has the support of exactly zero establishment political leaders.
— Speaking of Mr. Gasbag, you gotta hand it to Donald; after guaranteeing he’d win and blow everyone away in Iowa, he comes out for his concession with the theme of “Hey, there were 17 candidates when I joined the race, they said I had no chance, and now I finished second in Iowa, whoo-hoo!”
My prediction? Now that he’s lost the first contest, the media narrative will swing, GOP primary voters will start to find a new candidate, and in a few months Donald Trump will be back on TV, out of the race, where he belongs.
— Ted Cruz was Bible-thumping so much at his victory speech I half-expected him to shout “And tonight I’m announcing God will be my vice-presidential pick!”
— Cool fact for my fellow Members of the Tribe: Bernie is first Jewish presidential candidate to win delegates! We’re taking over, baby!
**Next up, the always-interesting Jared Leto partnered with the Sierra Club a few months back to take a 360-degree look at the glaciers melting in Alaska. It’s fascinating as a piece of art, but also scary as hell.
But yeah, climate change is a hoax and all the scientists are wrong.
**Finally today, the Super Bowl is this week, so it seems as good a time as any to remind you that the National Football League is the greediest, most arrogant sports company in the world.
Today’s proof comes from a fascinating story in the New York Times from Richard Sandomir. He found the man who owns the only known surviving copy of Super Bowl I, Troy Haupt.
Haupt has been trying for years to sell the tape back to the NFL, who made him a ridiculously low-ball offer, and the NFL is just … just read the story. It’s really well-done, and you’ll get a small glimpse at how awful a corporation the NFL really is.
Greed, greed, greed.