Tag Archives: Guy Fieri

A restaurant critic eviscerates Guy Fieri. Florida accuses a teacher of converting a student to lesbianism. And a cool eclipse video to relax you

Sometimes the best newspaper writing is found among reviews. Whether it’s a CD or concert, a restaurant, or a hotel, judging someone else’s new work can often be boring, tedious, or border on propaganda.

But man, once in a while you get a review that’s just brilliant and scathing. Roger Ebert, maybe the greatest movie critic ever, writes his best critiques of terrible movies; he seems to take such joy in skewering awful pieces of pop culture.

This review in the New York Times the other day has garnered all kinds of attention; it’s by Pete Wells, who has lots of fun taking the fairly-obnoxious chef Guy Fieri (maybe I just have hair-envy, but I don’t like the dude).

The entire review is written in the form of questions Wells wants to ask Fieri, such as:
— Did panic grip your soul as you stared into the whirling hypno wheel of the menu, where adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex?
— What exactly about a small salad with four or five miniature croutons makes Guy’s Famous Big Bite Caesar (a) big (b) famous or (c) Guy’s, in any meaningful sense?
— Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?
— “And when we hear the words Donkey Sauce, which part of the donkey are we supposed to think about?”

And it goes on like that for a while. I found the whole thing delightful, and I sure as hell won’t be going to Times Square and Guy’s new place anytime soon.

**Every once in a while I come across a video on these here Interwebs that transfixes me for a few minutes, and I just sort of fall into a cool trance watching it.
This three-minute video, with music by Aldo Arechar and Matthew DiVito, is very cool and I predict it will put you in a more tranquil frame of mind today.

**Finally, more hard-to-believe news from the state of Florida. Even for the Sunshine State, this one is pretty out there: A Deerfield Beach schoolteacher named Juliet Hibbs has been accused by a former student’s parents of turning their daughter into a lesbian.

Hibbs, who is a heterosexual (not that that matters in the least here), was investigated last year by the school district, which cleared her, but Hibbs is now out on medical leave due to the stress of the situation, and she has filed charges with the EEOC against the school and the district.

I don’t know what’s more disgusting here: The parents for actually thinking a teacher can “turn” a girl into a lesbian, or the school district for taking this seriously.

My first thoughts on the Madness bracket. And our pop culture hits a new point

This was a strange job done by the NCAA Tournament selection committee.

Usually, I yell and scream about teams they left out, and some awful teams that they put in.

But this year, with the exception of Florida not being deserving (9-9 in a bad SEC, and they still got in) and Illinois or Va. Tech getting unfairly snubbed, I thought they did very well with picking the field of 65.

But man, the seeding of the teams was horrendous. Beyond horrendous. Truly, mind-blowingly bad. Before I get to the things I like about the brackets, and some early upset picks (can’t give you my Final Four yet, that takes a few days of stewing), here are the most puzzling seeding choices:

— I love Duke more than anyone, but they should’ve been a 2. And West Virginia should’ve been a 1 seed.

— Temple at 5, and Cornell at 12, were both woefully underseeded. Both should’ve been a few spots higher

— Gonzaga is way too good to be an 8 seed. And Notre Dame isn’t worthy of a 6 seed. And you’re telling me Michigan State is only a 5?

— Finally, the committee totally went against its own rules. Sometimes it gave teams who finished strong an advantage (like Ohio State getting a 2). Other times it ignored the end of the season (slumping Villanova got a 2).

And they gave Kansas, the No.1 overall seed, the toughest bracket. The top team is supposed to get the easiest bracket, but Duke, the No.3 overall seed, has the easiest road.

OK, now some good things. I love a few of the 4-13 games for upset possibilities. I can totally see Siena beating Purdue, and Murray State knocking off Vanderbilt. The potential is there for some great 2nd-round games, like Michigan State-Maryland, and Duke-Louisville, and Syracuse-Gonzaga.

As for Duke, I absolutely cannot complain. The only team that truly scares me in their bracket is Baylor, a really good team. Villanova’s slumping big-time, Purdue won’t survive Round 1,and Texas A &M is up and down. As worried as I am about some of Duke’s weaknesses that showed in their ACC Tournament win (Jon Scheyer’s exhausted, nobody on the team is shooting well), I think this is the best possible draw to the Final Four I could’ve hoped for.

Three more days until Thursday. Move, calendar, move!

**So you ever watch something on television and think, “Future generations are really going to be frightened about what we found entertaining?”

Well, I had one of those moments Sunday night. I watched the new NBC show “Minute to Win It.”

I feel this might be the dumbest thing we’ve ever put on the air, and this is coming from a guy who sat through two whole episodes of that Paris Hilton-Nicole Richie “Simple Life” show.

If you were fortunate enough to miss it, here’s a quick recap: It’s a game show, hosted by the super-enthusiastic Guy Fieri. They pick a contestant well in advance, and have them learn and practice 10 mind-numbingly bizarre tasks. Then, on stage in front of an audience, the contestant has to repeat those tasks and do them successfully in one minute.

Some of the tasks on the show I saw Sunday? A man had to pick 150 tissues out of a box, one by one, using only one hand. The same man having to bounce a ping-pong ball off three plates, one at a time, and into a fishbowl.

And still the same man, in perhaps my most jaw-dropping moment of the show, having a pedometer stuck on his forehead, must do 125 head-nods in 60 seconds.

If the contestant can complete 10 of these challenges, they win $1 million.

Seriously, this is a sad, sad moment for our culture. I mean come on, pulling tissues out of a box is entertainment? Picking up paper bags with you teeth, like the woman below?

I don’t weep for the future. I weep for the present, that crap like this is put on network TV. And this is coming from a guy who loves game shows!

Somewhere, Wink Martindale watched this and wept silently into his Metamucil.