How I can now spend the three hours next weekend that I thought I’d be watching a New York Jets playoff game:
1. Taking a walk outside in freezing January temperatures.
2. Catch up on my correspondence.
3. Contemplate why my 16-month-old gets such immense joy from ripping a piece of toilet paper from the roll, walking to the garbage can, and dropping it in. Then repeating this behavior 11 more times while giggling.
4. Decide once and for all, if I prefer Ginger or Mary Ann.
5. Start learning a foreign language.
6. Beat myself over the head with a wooden mallet, which, let’s face it, is pretty much the same experience as watching a Jets game.
Happily, any and all of those options are at my disposal, since my pathetic excuse for a football team decides the best way to finish off what has been a surprisingly fabulous season is to play an awful game they had to win up in Buffalo, to qualify for the playoffs.
I’m not going to get all upset and riled up again going over all the details. Suffice to say, I was angry for a good solid hour after the game Sunday, then spent 20 minutes mad at myself for being 40 and still allowing this franchise’s performance to affect my emotional state.
So, you know, typical end to the Jets season.
**Next up today, you know I love me some Jerry Seinfeld, and I love when Barack Obama does pop-culture-y things that shows off his sense of humor, so of course I loved this episode of “Comedians in Cars Coffee,” that debuted last week, with Seinfeld and our Commander in Chief kicking it in the White House.
My two favorite parts (and I recommend the whole thing at the 10-minute mark when Seinfeld asks Obama about if he ever touches the thermostat in the White House, and at around 14:00 when Seinfeld says “How many world leaders do you meet and think they’re completely out of their minds?”
**Finally today, it’s been a while since I’ve had fun with a terrible infomercial on this blog, but I saw this commercial the other day and was immediately horrified/fascinated, which is exactly the reaction you want when watching one of these. Have you seen this, people? It’s the Dashcam Pro videocamera for your car, and it’s apparently a MUST-have item for your vehicle.
I have lots and lots of questions after watching this: First of all, given what we’ve seen on the news the last few years, I have total faith that the white police officer would be fine with the militant-sounding African-American driver in an accident reaching over to his windshield and shoving a small camera in his face.
Next, the first few clips show innocent people getting their cars smashed and their fabulous camera footage saving them. But at the :21 mark, the “innocent” woman is applying makeup while driving and then gets hit. Isn’t she the one at fault here?
Also, at 1:05 they brag about flipping the camera screen on road trips to “capture all those special moments” in the car. Are you kidding me? No actual family has ever had a “special moment” on a road trip. It’s four hours of bickering, threats to turn the car around, or sheer boredom. And if the camera is facing the other way, isn’t going to miss the accident you’re about to have when you turn around to smack your kids?
Wait, I’m just getting started. Do we really need yet another device to be distracted by/have to pay attention to in the car? Will one of the people who get into an accident use the “sorry officer, I was adjusting the angle of my stupid dashboard camera.”
“It’s the most important tool you’ll ever buy for your car!” Really? New brakes, replacement tires, none of that is more important?
And yet… I almost kinda maybe want the thing.