There are some criminals who are just so stupid, so gobsmackingly dumb, you wonder how they get through the day.
Let me introduce you to my new favorite criminal, a man I will enjoy and laugh at for years to come. So there was a hearing in Ann Arbor, Mich. in front of Judge Cedric Simpson. A defendant named Corey Harris had already had some driving difficulties and had his license suspended.
On this day, Harris decides to dial into a hearing meeting with Judge Simpson. WHILE DRIVING HIS CAR!
The prosecutor gets up and asks for an adjournment in Harris’ case, and then the fun begins.
Just watch the looks on the judge’s face, and then on Harris’ face at the 1:00 mark, and then around 1:25 when he fully realizes what the Judge is about to say.
So damn funny. Ah, Corey Harris, you dumb, dumb man.
You know Judge Simpson will be telling this story to his friends and family until the end of time.
**Next up, I was sick and bed-ridden over the weekend so I finally had a chance to clear some of my backlog of episodes of “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.”
And honestly, this show is so damn good. Every week Oliver illuminates a problem in America, and offers solutions to solve it. But it’s the little vignettes at the start and end of the show that truly show the genius, and the derangement, of Oliver and his staff.
This was beautifully illustrated in a vignette on an April episode, where Oliver got intrigued in seeing the same guy over and over again in stock photo images. So with an unlimited HBO budget and all the time he wanted, Oliver went about trying to find him.
I love this so much.
**And finally, I want to share yet another masterpiece of an article by the great Eli Saslow, the best newspaper storyteller working today.
Saslow dove into the case of a Nevada election clerk, an elected Republican named Cindy Elgan, and the absolutely-ludicrous efforts to recall her from her job.
Facts, reason and logic have absolutely no chance against these people, as Elgan learned.
An excerpt from this fabulous story (I’ve unlocked the story for free so you don’t have to be an NYT subscriber to read it:
So am I,” Elgan said. She took the recall petition back into her office, and over the next several days she continued to flip through the pages in disbelief. She counted at least 130 signatures, which at first glance appeared to be enough to force a recall election if the signatures and corresponding addresses proved legitimate. Nevada allowed a period of 20 days for voters to reconsider and remove their names from the petition. After that, Elgan’s office would work with the secretary of state to confirm signatures and determine if the petition was successful and whether Elgan still had a job.
“This is actually insane,” said Angela Jewell, the deputy clerk. “This is how democracies end. There must be some way to reason with a few of these people.”
“Some days, I drive home after work and I wonder why I’m still doing this,” she said. Her job was one of the lowest-paid elected positions in Nevada. Her husband was already retired, and they had grandchildren in California. “I believe in my bones that we have to protect the integrity of our process, but if I’m recalled because of all this, I’ll survive,” she said.
“Of course you will,” Burgans said. “But if the whole system gives way to disinformation and lies, what’s left to protect?”
It’s a fantastic, terrifying story, with a tiny bit of hope at the end.
dddd
Wide World of Stuff 