Why oh why does TV suddenly seem to be trampling all over my lovely memories?
First NBC brought “Knight Rider” back, which was an abomination on so many levels. The new car stunk, the acting was horrendous, and I couldn’t make it past 15 minutes of the first episode (did they make more than one episode?) When I was 9 I wanted nothing more than to drive K.I.T.T. And then 25 years later, I couldn’t bear to watch.
Now the CW is destroying my favorite TV show of the 1990s, bringing back a new and fresh version of the show.
When I tell you I loved “Melrose Place,” I mean, that doesn’t even begin to do it justice.
I worshipped at the freaking altar of “Melrose Place.” I had a crush on all of the female characters on the show at one time or another (though Heather Locklear will always be my queen, before and after she played the magnificently bitchy Amanda Woodward).
I thought the acting was so delightfully over the top that you had to laugh, and the scripts were so god-awful that, as a fellow lover of words, I had to believe the writers were trying to be terrible on purpose.
Ever since I started watching it, around season 2, I was addicted. I never really was a big “90210” fan (I hear the Gen X’ers yelling now “Traitor to your generation!”), so I didn’t catch on to Melrose for a while.
But once I did, I never missed it. In college I always made sure I was home to see it, and after I graduated it was appointment viewing on Monday nights at my swingin’ bachelor pad in Wilmington, N.C.
I remember feeling so happy that for an hour a week, I could completely turn my brain off, not think about anything, and just get completely lost in this ridiculous fantasy world.
I loved Sydney the best; she was so evil and yet so lovable. Then there was Amanda, who, gorgeousness aside, was a fantastic slut who always got what she wanted. Michael was my favorite male character; truly despicable, but also somehow endearing. I thought Jane was always way too much of a pushover, but when she finally fought back she was fantastic.
Then, of course, there was Jake, who I never cared about either way, and Billy, who I found pathetic and actually rooted against (I was glad when he kept getting screwed over by the women in his life, including the pre-“Sex in the City” Kristin Davis).
Jo always annoyed me; she never seemed to have any idea what to do with her life. Allison had a great smile and had some good fights with Amanda, but was always so emotionally screwy.
Matt had some great moments as an openly gay man, which in 1992 was still pretty rare.
Then, of course, there was the transcendent Marcia Cross, as Kimberly. Remember this scene?
The plots on “Melrose” got loonier and loonier by the year, and they changed the cast too much toward the end. (Amazingly, the acting got worse as the show went along; Rob Estes and Lisa Rinna might not be in the Worst Actors Hall of Fame, but they’re sure as hell right up there).
But still, I remember being genuinely bummed when the series went off the air, and, thanks to a classic “Seinfeld,” episode, (this scene here still kills me) “Melrose Place” will always be immortalized in reruns.
And yet, now the stupid CW is bringing Melrose back. New cast, new attitudes, new everything.
It’ll suck, I’m sure. I refuse to watch. There’s no way it can be as classically trashy as the original. Although the fact that Laura Leighton’s Sydney is returning, despite, her, um, DYING in “Melrose Place,” can only be seen as a good sign.
Darren Star, I salute your brilliance in creating the original “Melrose Place.”
It’s just a damn shame good smut can’t rest in peace.
Wide World of Stuff 